I get mixed responses from strangers just learning I?m a writer. ?Some quickly eye the room, searching out the exits. ?Others issue a small but knowing nod, as if acknowledging my sad affliction with some terrible but incommunicable disease.
Frankly, I?m fine with both those responses. ?Because as insulting as they may be, neither reaction smacks of the dreaded Close Encounter of the Third Kind, and no, I?m not talking about little grey men from Zeta Reticuli with severe personal-space issues and a penchant for recreational rectal probes.
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I speak, of course, of the Wannabee Author Clamp Down, wherein you find yourself backed into a corner, unable to escape or even reach the free bar, while a luckless (and invariably unpublished) would-be author regales you with a lengthy tale of injustice and woe.
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Now before I go any further let me say one thing ? if you?re a working writer, published or not, and you ask me for advice I?ll be more than happy to give it, although why you?d ask me for advice is still a bit of a mystery. ?Want me to suggest markets? ?Sure. ?Glad to help. ?Need tips on writing query letters or the like? ?I?m your man, and happy to be of assistance, if I can.
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I?m not talking about a bull session with a fellow writer. ?No. ?I?m referring to that peculiar breed of wannabee who is desperately trying to become an Author (you can hear the capital letter even when they speak it) without all that pesky mucking around with, oh what are they called?words.
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Being a writer without writing, in other words. ?
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I?ve been asked a couple of times lately if I can get someone?s book published. ?As if there?s some secret code word that, once whispered, opens the sacred portals to Big Publishing.
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Hint: ?There is such a word, and it is ?Prxlqrtnmbthptsxtrwsd.? ?But you have you say it with a mouthful of crackers, and if you mispronounce it even the tiniest bit, ?tiny militant gnomes appear and strike you with rubber mallets until Arbor Day.
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I?ve learned something about this breed of Wannabee that still amazes me, even as I try to edge my way close to the sandwich tray ? the book they so desperately want to sell?
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They haven?t written it yet.
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Seriously. ?It?s always a ?concept? or an ?outline? or the ever-popular ?great idea.? ?Never anything so mundane as several hundred pages of manuscript.
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About half the time, during these encounters, I?m asked if I would like to help out by actually taking their brilliant idea and writing the actual book.
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It?s usually at this point that make a break for the bar in earnest, because there?s no easy way out of this situation. ?I?ve tried being blunt, being evasive, being cruel, being suddenly overcome by lycanthropy. ?Nothing seems to deter the more determined of the But I Have a Great Idea set; like Romero zombies, they keep coming, until you flee the room entirely or, in the most desperate situations, ?unfriend them on Facebook.
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There?s only one way to see your work published, and as I?m sure you know it?s to write and keep writing and submit and keep submitting. ?No magic words. ?No secret handshakes or sly winks. ?
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Just hard work, and lots of it.
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Speaking of hard work, I present to you my latest print release, The Banshee?s Walk. ?
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This is a Markhat novel. ?If that means nothing to you, don?t worry, you can dive right in to The Banshee?s Walk without feeling lost. ?Markhat is a finder, which is an otherworldly term meaning what ?private eye? does to you and I. ?Magic works in Markhat?s world, which only complicates things as far as he?s concerned. ?But if you?ve got a problem the Church or the police can?t (or won?t) take an interest in, seek out Markhat. ?For a price, he?ll wade right in?
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Source: http://www.samhainpublishing.com/2011/06/the-secret-word/
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